A Guide for Families Facing End-of-Life Care
When someone you love is receiving hospice care, you may begin grieving long before death occurs. THIS IS NORMAL. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
If you are reading this, it meand you are walking beside someone you love during one of life's hardest seasons. That is an act of profound love. Be gentle with yourself.
Gentle Reminders:
- There is no timeline for grief.
- You cannot do this perfectly.
- Loving someone at end of life is sacred and exhausting.
- Relief after death does not mean you did not love them.
- Grief is a reflection of connection.
Common Myths About Grief
"I need to stay strong"
Strength includes allowing yourself to feel.
"I shouldn't cry in front of them."
Gentle honesty can create connection.
"I should be handling this better."
There is no "better". There is only human.
"If I'm prepared, it won't hurt as much"
Even when expected, loss is still loss.
What is Grief?
Grief is the natural emotional, physical, and spiritual response to loss. Most people think of grief as something that happens after a death — but grief can begin the moment you realize life is changing. Grief can affect:
Emotions:
- Sadness, anger, guilt, fear, relief, numbness
- Mood swings or irritability
- Anxiety about the future
Body:
- Fatigue
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Headaches or body aches
Thoughts:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Forgetfulness
- Replaying memories
- Questioning "Why?"
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
What is Anticipatory Grief?
Anticipatory grief is the grief that happens before a death occurs, when a loved one is facing a life-limiting illness.
You may be grieving:
- The expected loss of your loved one
- Changes in their personality or abilities
- The loss of future plans or milestones
- Role changes within your family
- Changes in your role (becoming a caregiver, decision-maker, etc.)
You might notice:
- Feeling waves of sadness even while your loved one is still alive
- Pulling away emotionally to protect yourself
- Feeling guilty for moments of laughter, joy or normalcy
- Feeling relief that suffering may soon end - and then feeling guilty for that relief
All of this is normal.
Anticipatory grief does not mean you are "giving up." It means you love deeply.
Coping During Hospice Care
Take it one day at a time. Take grief in small doses - focus on this moment. Sometimes, just the next hour.
Create meaningful moments: hold hands, share stories, look through old photos, play favourite music, say the important things like "thank you," "I forgive you," and "I love you."
Allow mixed emotions. It is possible to feel love and exhaustion, gratitude and anger, hope and acceptance. Multiple feelings can coexist.
Rest without guilt. Taking a break is not abandonment. You are allowed to eat, sleep, laugh, and step away when you need to.
Ask for Help. Your hospice team is here for emotional support, spiritual care, education about what to expect, and to help connect you with resources.
When to Seek Extra Support
Please reach out to the hospice Grief and Bereavement Team or a counsellor if you notice:
- Persistent hopelessness
- Panic attacks
- Inability ot function for days at a time
- Thoughts of harming yourself
Support is available. Asking for help is a sign of care - not weakness.
Our Support Services
Our Grief and Bereavement Team →
Grief & Bereavement Programs and Services →
Referrals for our Support Services →
